In a different life, today…

In a different life, today…
I might be celebrating 10 years with you
perhaps still unaware
that unhappiness isn’t a necessary part of life
…or love
assuming that the highs and lows are a personal fault
an “I must have done something wrong”
mistaken ideal
one you never seemed to concern yourself with
or seek to understand

In a different life, today…
I might still be
tangled in your choking kind of love
a love that was and perhaps always will be
too intense to bear – yet
too intense make leaving easy
we’d still be
fighting every day
and making up every nightdrunk in love and life

In a different life, today…
I might have stayed in the place that raised me
settled into your country way of living
falling seamlessly into the role
I so desperately tried to escape
happy for many moments,
dancing away the nights and sorrow,
but always yearning for more
perhaps knowing that I’m meant to be
somewhere elsewhere

In a different life, today…
I might finally have made my way across ocean
settled into your crazy energy
like a warm blanket on a cold winter day
same profession, a decade apart
learning how to stay young
as we grew old
never having slipped away
afraid that the dawn might bring
something real

In  a different life, today…
I might be sober
from love and expectation
chasing dreams
instead of paralyzed by fear
or doubt
or truth or past
fully aware that
pain will not last
living authentically, fully…fearlessly

But in this life, today…
at this time, in this space
this surreal journey
this serendipitous place
always loved fully yet in some ways alone,
alone still surrounded, I let go
of those different lives, of that different place
of with y/our disappointments, of my mistakes
and so, I stand openly
in this life, today

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