A note, to Clouds, on balance.

Dear Clouds,
I’m sorry to tell you this but balance is bullshit.

*read this article. it’s full of slap you in your face truth — which i think is some of the best kind of truth there is. like this one:

More than 50 years ago, the United States was roiled by the feminist and sexual revolutions, which together sought to bring women out of their household isolation and into a community devoted to achieving broader social goals. Yet far from rallying around these quaint echoes of sisterhood, we seem stuck today in a purgatory of perfection—each of us trying so hard to be everything that inevitably, inherently, we fail.

so no, you can’t do everything you’d like to do and succeed at it all. (stick with me, this isn’t a debbie-downer-i’m-here-to-tell-you-to-quit message.

but seriously, Clouds, you can’t do it.

you can’t work full-time — workout 5 to 6 days a week — learn to play your guitar — go to choir practice once or twice a week — attend mass — work a second job on saturdays — read a book for pleasure — work on your dissertation — go out once or twice a week with your best friend — hangout once or twice a week with other friends — cook healthy meals — clean your apartment — be a better pet mom by taking your pup on excursions 3 days a week — visit with your parents twice a week — write for pleasure — read scholarly work to make yourself a better clinician — read about neuropsychology/test interpretation to prepare for the fall — mediate — attempt to improve your spanish by listening/reading/speaking/immersing yourself in the language more — pursue singer-songwriter-guitar-player side gig — sleep and hydrate enough to maintain health and good complexion…

it’s not doable, hun.

there aren’t enough hours in a day or week or month..hell, maybe not even in a year. calm the ffff down, homie! you can’t do it all. and that’s okay.

pause and reread that please.

…did you do it?
we both know you didn’t so go back and reread it.

again, you can’t do it all AND THAT’S OKAY.

none of us were meant to do it all. rephrase: none of us were meant to do it all at once. i believe in you. in your ability to accomplish all that you set your mind to. in your competence. in your awesomeness. but i also believe in you sleeping and staying sane and not falling into unhealthy coping when you feel yourself slipping due to overwhelm from attempting to do it all. You’re 27 years old. You’ve got time (God-willing). and if you don’t have time, fretting about trying to do everything will only take away from your happy.

**momentary pause /slash/ related topic shift: something’s missing from the above list of everything you try to do, something that is obviously present in the article above and emphasized in the whole balance-sense of things. love and marriage and children and anything that suggests a romantic relationship. I’m not sure how I feel about that…err or I mean, how you feel about that, Clouds? anything? weird? not sure? yeah, I figured. Don’t add it to the list, please. Or do. I obviously have no magical advice on balance.

more on this later. good thoughts on yin and yang and happy to come. but i should be sleeping right now. because it’s friday night. and i worked all day. then went to the gym. then wrote. and i work tomorrow morning. after which i’m going to spend time shopping with fam. then cleaning. then partying with friends. how’s that for balance?

Or maybe I do. Alright, Clouds, here’s my advice to you: keep trying to do it all. we both know you’re going to anyway, even if I advise against it.. you did announce publicly how stubborn you are. I guess I just want you to take some time to enjoy life. and maybe not push away other good parts of life, like romance and love. We all know balance can be exhausting.. so when it’s not happening (because it’s not feasible but you’ll have to learn that on your own), being okay with it and still maintaining your happy is what’s important. Cool? Cool.

Now I don’t wanna seem indulgent when I discuss my lows and my highs
My demise and my uprise, pray to God
I just opened enough eyes later on
Gave you the supplies and the tools to hopefully use it to make you strong
Enough to lift yourself up when you feel like I felt
Cause I can’t explain to y’all how dang exhausted my legs felt
Just having to balance my dang self
When on eggshells I was made to walk — Eminem, Guts Over Fear


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