I take dating advice from a 21-year-old who’s never been in a committed relationship.
It’s true. My sister is 21, hasn’t been in a committed relationship, and is the person I go to for dating advice. & I’m learning it might actually be a good things. Here’s why:
Maybe it’s because she isn’t jaded by heartbreak. or maybe because she isn’t tainted by having fallen in love. …I haven’t discussed the details of this with her so I’m going on pure assumption here but, given my track record with assumptions, I think I’m good.
But really, I think that’s what it is. Her advice is always (mostly?) very matter-of-fact, no nonsense, take away the bullshit and tell it like it is.
She let’s me vent. I pick up on her cues, looks that say “seriously, Clouds? this shit again?” I ask for her thoughts. She gives it to me straight. Do you know what she said this one time? …no? well, let me tell you!
I was telling her about my latest “relationship” ((read: “‘relationship’ if you want to call it that; I don’t because there’s so much ambiguity that I don’t even know what the hell to call it…which seems to define almost all of my interactions with the opposite sex that I’ve had over the past couple of years and i’m kindaseriouslyreally tired of this pattern”)).
aaand breath. anyway, I vented, she looked, I asked, she said:
You know, it just seems like you keep ending up with these guys who don’t treat you right but you still stay with them until you eventually figure it out and leave. But, is it mean that I know this one won’t last and you’ll end up doing the same thing with the next one?
…umm no, it’s not mean? just brutally honest I guess.
She’s got a point though.
Her advice to remedy this ugly cycle? End. it. now. Easy enough. Who cares if you’ve met his mother and extended family and know his struggles and apparently make him feel like he’s known you forever and can open up about his life and faults and believes you are the one who can help him change. that’s not on you. so who effing cares??
…true dat sister? I’m not quite sure of that completely but I do think there is truth there. I think the ease (truth?) in her remarks comes with what seems to be a pretty awesome balance between not fearing falling in love and not settling for anything less than the love that you’re worth. I think maybe happiness in this area lies in that balance. or even in working toward that balance. allowing yourself to fall without thinking that you’re going to hit the ground (hard, like we all have), anticipating the hurt before it happens.
It’s hard, I get it. hell, I’m there right now, attempting to balance on that ledge, wanting to leap but not feeling secure enough that there will be someone there to catch me.
…maybe I just need to learn to fly.
As always, I hope you take what you need from these ramblings. But mostly, I hope that we both allow ourselves to fall, without fear or worry of who is or isn’t there to catch us, having confidence in ourselves that we’ll stick the landing…or grow wings 🙂
I want to live this life
but not afraid.