[patience & happy]
i’m learning that i don’t have much of it.
probably because it feels like i’ve been practicing it and waiting for the past 10-, maybe 15 years of my life.
waiting to leave home (for college, for anywhere).
waiting to leave college (for graduate school, for “life”).
waiting to finish graduate school.
waiting to heal.
waiting for him (although, even though i still have no idea who he is or when he’s supposed to come, i’m still pretty sure he got lost somewhere along the road)
waiting to figure it out.
waiting to leave home…again.
i’m kinda tired of it. i didn’t use to be. guess all that waiting can catch up to a person.
i used to sit. and sip tea. and listen to classical music. (seriously. i’m pretty sure i was born in the wrong era).
well, i think what happened was that, gradually, over time, moments became checks on a list, in-between space became time to plan what came next, and time in the clouds became time to think about tomorrow’s worries.
well, i don’t like it.
instead of waiting for what’s to come (which doesn’t do me a whole lot of good given my “it’s not me, it’s You” belief of how life happens), actually enjoying the moment seems like a better, more-enjoyable-less-anxiety-provoking-or-depressing-you-get-my-point way of spending the limited days we have on this earth. or at least i think so. this doesn’t mean no more planning. or throwing caution to the wind for every decision. for me (and maybe for you), maybe it simply means allowing your heart to guide a few more of those moments than before. and trusting the journey as you move along it.
…and maybe listening to some classical music along the way.
[Chicago & Symphony No. 5. can’t go wrong]