“I am not skilled to understand what God has willed” — or the way i grieve

unplanned escape. driving with no end or reason. down a winding road. windows down, allowing the country air to fill my lungs and heart. music up, drowning out anything unnecessary. thoughts and tears coming as they will. unforced. yet uninhibited. this is how i grieve. not your way. and that's okay. ...just wish you could [...]

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100. — or I think I can write again.

august 11. 2011. that's when this journey started. with ramblings at midnight. seems to be when most of my good thinking happens. well, folks, milestone moment has come (in my opinion, at least). i've hit 100. 100 posts. 100 ramblings. some more impactful than others. but all real. well, sort of. i've got a confession. [...]

i wonder if you’ll wait for me (and other things)

wondering near midnight. when i should be sleeping. or writing. not this writing. but other writing. it wasn't coming though. chalked it up to writer's block. then, after google and authors' quotes informed me gently that writer's block is basically a bullshit excuse: Writer’s block? I’ve heard of this. This is when a writer cannot [...]

My (typical) thought process…in 125 special characters

My (typical) thought process…in 125 special characters So I've figured out the process. the way my mind works. it usually entails silence, thinking, reflecting, freaking out or getting pissed off at myself for assuming thought other than my own or hoping for different or being too critical on myself, more pausing, thinking, and reflecting. then some [...]

things i’ll never be.

so i've been thinking some lately on things i'll never be. not in the "self-accepting, i ain't got time for that, nor do i want to try and please you" type of way. more in the "self-blame, self-critical, and whatever other negative self- you can think of" sense. comparing myself to others. to what others [...]

I think I’ll write about rainbows.

I was going to write about things I shouldn’t be writing about. About what I’m missing instead of what I have. About how I’m tired of waiting but how I don’t know what for exactly. About doing. and being. and thinking too much. And feeling too little...or too much; I can’t tell the difference right [...]