5 things that make me cry

5 things that make me cry

Okay, here’s the thing, folks. I don’t cry. I usually don’t cry. The instances are few and far between. Excluding tragedy/loss, and unless one of the below are involved, tears typically won’t fall. [and i’m excluding extreme hormonal imbalances that might occur from time to time bc honestly, those typically also involve chocolate and wine…lots of it so we shouldn’t have to count that]. So, I thought I’d share some of the actual things that make the waterworks come on:

    1. Tears of the Sun (2003)…you know, the one where Bruce Willis is a badass in the jungle
      so the thing you gotta understand is that I’m not a crier when it comes to movies. I’m missing a gene for that I think. I grew up on Stalone and Van Damme and Schwarzenegger, not Disney princesses and fairy tales. For reals. The above movie (and a few select others) is an exception to the movies-don’t-make-me-cry thing. It was actually the first film I saw that made me tear up. I wasn’t bawling my eyes out but it was pretty close. Tears were falling. No joke. Friends might understand the importance of this film seeing as I remember watching The Notebook with a group of girlfriends in high school and was the only one sitting there wishing there would be a gunfight soon to liven up the scenes. Only dry eye in the room belonged to yours truly. I think I yawned a couple of times causing my eyes to tear up though so I think my cover was safe. Anyway, Tears of the Sun. if you haven’t seen it, do it. Like, now. I’ll wait. Don’t worry, I got time.
    2.  Beam Me Up – P!nk
      I think it’s from multiple instances of interrupted grieving.  Or at least a few within the past couple of years. Maybe mostly from one very important person in my life. unexpected loss is one of the worst, I think. I’m just guessing here. I don’t know the actual reason why I cry when I hear this song. But seriously, it happens.every.single.time. for reals. I had to stop the song when I looked it up on YouTube so I could get the link to imbed it here because I could feel the knot in my throat forming. That lump that makes it hard to swallow and causes your eyes to slowly fill up with necessary release. I was driving aimlessly once, down my favorite long and winding country road, with no purpose other than needing escape, when this song came on randomly. And I literally cried through all 4-plus minutes of the song, leaving the laments in the hill country.
    3. That one scene from Fresh Prince where Uncle Phil talks with Will after his dad leaves again
      You know, this one:

      there’s a scene in The Pursuit of Happyness that does it as well. actually, come to think of it, it might be Will Smith in general. There’s honesty in his delivery. And I like that. Plus, the subject matter is real. and extremely good acting in my opinion. andplustoo, he’s a very attractive human being (again, my opinion…although, if you disagree, i might have to question somethings)
    4. Feeling like I’m not doing enough
      every now and then, I focus on how much I’m not doing rather than looking at what I am. Since day one, I have known that part of my purpose here (in the existential-divine-God’s-plan sense of the word) is to help others. to make a positive impact on you and the world, even if it’s a small one. But sometimes, knowing that purpose comes with undue pressure ((from myself as you might expect)) and negative thoughts that make me question why I’m not doing more. for you. for them. for her. for him. Overwhelming negative thoughts typically lead to mini-breakdowns in the form of tears. Lots of them.
    5. Feeling like I’m not worth it
      I’m actually learning to get over this one. Recent breakdowns and conversation with an amazing woman and friend helped me realize I’m at fault for this one. You see, despite my claims of independence and pragmatism when it came to partners of the romantic and true-or-not-so-true-love variety, I had always been dependent on another to provide me with my sense of worth. To tell me, show me, make me feel that I am worth it, worth love. But the truth is, I don’t need anybody else to tell me that. I need to know that, feel that, on my own. about myself. About my accomplishments. To not have my worth limited to whether I’m in a relationship or with a partner or alone or have a family. That should add to my worth, not determine it. I learned this through recent events that had me filled with extreme inquietude and conversations with friends that followed. (quick side note: the only word I could think of to describe my feeling was the Spanish word inquietud which Google in all its Google powers showed me was an actual word in English if you simply add an ‘e.’ Gracias Google). Anyway, various events left me with tears falling and me questioning why others didn’t think I was worth it. I guess if they didn’t think so, it must be true, right? This is the faulty logic I’m changing. and i’m hopeful about the change this time. i can feel i’m worth it. i know it. mostly, i’m worth happy. from myselffor myself.

What this list tells me:  it’s okay to cry. And it’s okay not to cry. And, while I can’t guarantee that #5 won’t keep causing some tears to fall from time to time, I know that it’s the only one I’m working on changing. I’m okay with the others; even #4 serves ends with me regrouping and going at my mission with more fortitude. Because once you realize you’re worth it and that you’re awesome, Bruce Willis, P!nk, and Will Smith should be the only ones who make you cry and it be okay. Just sayin’

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