Confession #2: boys make me fat
It’s true. Partially. Okay, not really. There’s a lot of personal responsibility I’m leaving out. Let me elaborate. I’ve written before about how the good part of the vicious cycle is being completely comfortable with another and engaging in enjoyable activities such as food and drinking alcoholic beverages (mostly the deliciousness that is beer and trying new brews) and more beer and lack of sleep…and more beer. Given the overwhelming physical component that my definition of self-esteem holds (which I’m working on redefining…constantly), and the fact that the aforementioned activities aren’t the best for maintaining the physical, that in itself becomes the problem.
Actually, the problem isn’t this per se. The problem is that, for some unknown reason, I tend to think it’s either all or nothing. Either I’m alone and taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, with all the hard work, dedication, and amazingness you can imagine plus a hint of loneliness that you might guess. Or, and this is a big ‘or’ folks, I am with another, enjoying their company, lost in the now, being merry (in the lets-get-inebriated-as-often-as-possible-eat-delicious-food-border-on-gluttony sense of the word), ignoring what I had been tirelessly working on and forgetting my self. This isn’t anyone’s fault…other than my own. I just get caught up in the moment. It happens. It’s okay. but it’s not. because that’s when the cycle is propelled into the next phase, continuing the unending circularity of it all. And, I feel like I have to escape in order to begin to get back what I had ignored. All or nothing. Alone and focused or together and not.
what i learned from this confession: it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can have my cake and eat it too. balance is possible. without necessitating escape.
Because after all, who the hell buys cake without intent to eat it?? Seriously, folks.