Confession #1: being stuck in traffic heals me

The posts to follow (if all goes as planned…which it usually doesn’t so we’ll see how well this works. or for how long it works, which tends to more accurately be the case and story of my life). Where was I? Oh yes, the posts to follow are random confessions. Shorter than these. Just snippets of thoughts I have on occasion that feel like I should share with you all in a confessionary manner mostly because I have not shared them before. so i will. And i will label them Confessions. because I can. so i will. 

Confession #1: being stuck in traffic heals me some

Really. it does. I enjoy the stop-and-go of it all. being stuck in it. not being able to control how long the journey takes. this tends to work better when i’m heading nowhere (like home) rather than somewhere (like work) but i’ll take ’em both. i’m not partial to either. Partly, I think it’s because of the fact that I get to enjoy driving with the windows down a little bit longer and singing along with the music a little bit more.

Mostly though, I think it’s because, along with all of the Audis and Toyotas and Hyundais, life slows down. Forceably? Perhaps. But it does. And I like it. A lot.

i think the constant horn-honking big-city traffic would detract a bit from my healing and my happy. texas hillcountry allows for a more peaceful stuck-in-traffic experience. but maybe that's just me.
i think the constant horn-honking-big-city traffic would detract a bit from my healing and my happy. texas hillcountry allows for a more peaceful stuck-in-traffic experience. but maybe that’s just me.

Here’s why: I love being productive. all the time. If I’m not getting something done, I feel like I’m failing. And, per my Mexican father, productivity means work –> work means physically engaging in something –> if this isn’t happening, something is wrong. [brief aside: I get that this is an example of cognitive distortion at its best. But, for the moment, it ain’t changing. So I’ll continue on with my reflection well aware of the implications my idea of “productive” hold. if you haven’t noticed by now, i’m much better at the insight part of life and happy rather than the action piece of it. i’m going to change that…later.]

So, yes, basically I usually never slow down. Or when I do, it’s at a point where I’m forced to out of burnout; hence my love of traffic. It’s a forced slowdown of sorts. without the burnout. and i love it.

what i learned from this confession: part of my happy involves slowing down and trusting in the process of it all.

Related yet unrelated yet pretty much on track:
a friend sent me this link about coffee and how decreasing consumption may be tied to this idea of slowing down. seems fitting.

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