So here’s the scene: I’m driving to work. a little late. as usual. (late in the “I like to be on time so I tell myself that I need to leave by 7:15 so that I actually exit my house and enter my car by 730 so I can make it to work by 7:55” sense of the word). Tea in hand. or in lap. I think I’ve mentioned before how music pretty much drives me, inspires me, heals me, so it’s pretty much always playing whenever I can possibly get away with it. So, I’m fumbling around the radio stations. Not finding anything that fits my mood, I pop in an mp3 cd labeled “musica.” It’s loaded with some of my faves. You know, Ramon Ayala, Vicente Fernandez, Cardenales de Nuevo Leon, Control, Montez de Durango. if anything, you should click on all of the links and enjoy some classics…or being introduced to completely new music. either way, you should definitely do it. extra especially for the first one, Que Casualidad by Mr. Ayala, because it’s pretty much about coincidence and the serendipitous nature of life, which I’ve been believing in more and more as of late. I’ll pause a bit while you enjoy some musica…
I should probably get back to my point right about now.
So I’m jamming to the music (“jamming” in the “I don’t care who’s looking, I’m still singing my heart out and moving to the beat because that’s what music does to me…even while driving” sense of the word). As I’m singing along to Mi Gusto Es by Montez de Durango, I pause. The words mi gusto es, which translates roughly to my liking is buuut more so has the feeling of “I do what I want”…with as much attitude as you can imagine. Anyway, they cause me to reflect a bit. I look around my car at that moment. (side note: morning traffic allows for momentary reflections such as this to be done safely…ish). So anywho, I look around and take notice and smile. A heartwarming I’m-living-a-very-blessed-life-that-allows-all-of-this-randomness-to-come-together type of smile.
Here’s what I noticed:
`Duranguense playing through the speakers. loudly. wonderfully.
`Common and Miles and a Kings of Leon/Breaking Benjamin/Black Keys mix ready to be played during the week
`Psychoanalytic Conceptualization & Diagnostic books stacked nicely atop the glove compartment
`The Cold Light of Day and Taken 2, ready to be returned after being seen last night. both filled with all of the action and gunfights you’d expect from Liam and Bruce.
`Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs on top of previously mentioned books, wanting desperately to be read
`yoga mat and gym bag (from an Academic Feminist conference I attended) chillin behind the passenger’s seat, waiting to be used not soon enough
`my most favorite St. Benedict’s cross, riding shotgun on the dash, needing to be hung from the rearview mirror months ago
`a pile of books on Feminism and Latinas and gender and narrative therapy neatly covering the foot space of the passenger’s side, ready for reading and writing per dissertation requirements but mostly per passion and drive
`red rosary around my wrist, accompanied by a colorful bracelet, beautifully made out of paper by an indigenous woman in Uganda (obtained at a conference in breathtaking Salt Lake City for the Association of Women in Psychology ((notice a trend?)))
At the end of it all, as I pulled into work, I reflected on those words and what I had taken notice of. Mi gusto es…
While the song is more about love in the Machismo-filled “baby, I’m gonna have you because that’s the way I want it” sense of the word, those words (taken out of context) I think really apply to me and what I have done/do/am doing. I say this not in the usual “I think I’m selfish and feel like shit because of this” way ((
as I would have thought not too long ago, as i have thought pretty recently)). Instead, as mentioned, the thought/reflection/morning musings made my heart smile. made me feel…mmm…like maybe I have a choice in all of this. Like, regardless of the randomness, it all fits somehow. it all fits for me. it is me. because i choose it. And I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. for my quirks. like I often do. And that feeling is awesome.
All this randomness is leading towards a perfect moment.” –jeff who live at home