“the passion and the pain are going to keep you alive someday” – or silver linings…literally

so, i got to get away. for a bit. 3 and a half days to be exact. just enough.

just enough to be re-inspired.
justenought to be re-invigorated.
just enough to (re)learn some lessons.
just enough to realize some truths.
just enough to see the silver linings…

the trip entailed a 2 1/2 hour flight away from Texas toward cooler weather and different thought. away from the typical toward the progressive. away from starbucks and towards the salt lake city roasting co. away from male-dominated discourse toward celebration of international, indigenous, and immigrant women. what follows are reflections spurred by this escape.

please sleep softly. leave me no room for doubt. — lianne la havas

reframe: “…leave me some room for doubt.” doubt reminds me i’m not completely in control of what follows. doubt reminds me that there’s higher purpose. doubt reminds me that i’m alive.

somewhere along the way i forgot that the unknown is exciting. sure, it’s also nerve-wrecking, painful as hell, and can be scary as shit. but really, again, all of that mostly reminds me that i’m alive. and living. …or, if it doesn’t, it definitely ought to.

so…inspirations? lessons? truths learned during my getaway? (most to be expanded on later later. fo’ sho):

`  my work, what i do, and who i am are fueled by a simple wish – my want to do better, be better, and benefit others in the best way i possibly can. that is my passion. it truly fuels me. somewhere along the lines, i forgot that..
`i am easily influenced by nature. beauty to be more specific. and sunshine. definitely sunshine. i don’t remember the last time i sighed as much. seeing the snow-covered mountains. the sun gleaming on every corner of the salt lake city. the last time i took such deep breaths. somewhere along the lines, i had stopped that..
`  i am a feminist. what that means for me is different from what that means to you, for you. and i need someone who respects that, appreciates that. somehow along the lines, i forgot that..
`  i love easily. and love love. but i’m pretty good about hiding it from others. but mostly, i’m pretty good about hiding it from myself. somehow along the lines, i didn’t realize this fully..
`  being called to be extroverted depletes me of my natural energy. of my calm, free-spirited being. can i do it when necessary? sure. definitely. i wouldn’t have made it this far in my career if i weren’t. but honestly, those that know me, really know me, recognize my introverted, introspective preferences. and respect them. somewhere along the lines, i tried convincing myself that this was not okay. that i was not okay because of this..
`  i’m ready to keep living. despite previous attempts at convincing myself of this, of wanting, seeking intentionality over planning. my own words (and his) perhaps weren’t enough to move me toward action. it took stealing credit from another. (if you read this, i want to say gracias amiga for making sense as you always do…and letting me take partial credit for your words of wisdom).

` i’m ready. ready for a little doubt. and unknown. and even hurt. because honestly, truthfully, faithfully, it means that i’m feeling. and being. and living. somewhere along the lines, the importance of this truth escaped me..

the passion and the pain are going to keep you alive someday” – p!nk

mountains from a top and my favorite place:  in the clouds
mountains from a top and my favorite place: in the clouds

mountains and sunshine greeted me upon arrival to the city and my escape toward inspiration. the mountain tops literally looked like a silver-plated work of art made by mother nature especially for me, gleaming in the sun’s reflection, wishing me safe travels as i left, with passion and pain accompanying me forward in my journey.

yup, re-invigoration and silver linings…
seems fitting.

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