i needed a day.

i needed a day.

so i took one. and i drove. and drove, thinking, i’ll keep driving til the road ends. eventually, surprisingly it did.

end of Bandera Rd. left or right? neither. i did an illegal u-turn and went back the way i came(:

part of me had been afraid of finding that place filled with brief memories from a day long ago during the drive. the other part of me hoped for it, in a nostalgic yet sadistic way, seeking to find hurt. to have a reason for it. but somehow i missed it, that place. i couldn’t find it on the single road i knew it had been years ago. instead, i found this; peace.

i think it was the universe’s way of continuing to guide me toward complete closure. or maybe it was my sense of direction failing my yet again. …i’m going with the universe; it’s a much more poetic way of looking at things.

i haven’t been in a good place as of late, finding myself in a place i don’t like being. usually, i fight and claw my way out of it, emerging scarred and exhausted. but emerging nonetheless. other times, like most recently, the clawing and fighting and biting serve no real purpose, exhaustion leading to (temporary) defeat. defeat that causes me to lie and call in sick, to say i am not feeling well, which in the end isn’t really a lie, close to the truth in the most existential sense of the words. defeat that forces me to drive. to escape. and, every so often, i do — escape and drive, that is. usually the destination is unknown. unneeded irrelevant information. but somehow, i find calm. peace. even if for what will seem like a fleeting moment once i return.

unfortunately, the real world awaits. the world of deadlines. and work. and work after work. and constant preparation for the “future.” a world without the tranquility i find in the ripples of the water, the reflection of the sun, the rustling of branches, or crunching of dried leaves beneath my feet.

i check my phone once more, the thing that unfortunately connects me to that reality. but it’s also the thing that allows me to connect (and reconnect later) with images such as this –

time ticked away too quickly. i gotta go soon. leave this peace behind. ..though, i think, i hope that this road will connect that peace to where i’ll go, never quite severing the connection.

Bandera Rd.

aside from time, nature is also rushing me to leave —

this is where they were when i began writing...
this is where the ducks were when i began writing…

 

 

 

 

 

 

seriously, folks, they kinda scared the shit peace outta me, creeping closer and making scary mating noises. not cool. but also kinda very cool. you win, ducks..you win.

they crept closer. and closer.

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “i needed a day.

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