[on love & happy]
So this was my fortune today. Business. and health. blossoming. Thank you, delicious-fast-food-chinese-restaurant fortune. One more thing to confirm my life’s successes are in these two ((and only these two, not three)) areas. could it be possibly-maybe-perhaps because this is where most of my efforts go? wowza. too deep a thought for further reflection on this Saturday past midnight. we’ll try again later.
Daniel (dad): So what’s the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum, or is it something else? Maybe… school – are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
Sam (son): You really want to know?
Daniel: I really want to know.
Sam: Even though you won’t be able to do anything to help?
Daniel: Even if that’s the case, yeah.
Sam: Okay. Well, the truth is… actually… I’m in love.
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is, I’m in love and I was before she died, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Daniel: [laughs] Aren’t you a bit young to be in love?
Daniel: Oh, well, okay… right. Well, I mean, I’m a little relieved.
Daniel: Well, because I thought it would be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you’re right. Yeah, total agony.
There’s this movie, Love Actually, that talks about this (“this” being love) through different stories, different lives. some tragic, involving uncovering affairs. others hopeful, involving finding true love. and some, like the scene above, innocent, telling of a child’s first encounter with love. The preceding may be a hint at why business and health may be a little easier to achieve. nothing worse than the total agony of being in love, right?
Daniel: Tell her that you love her.
Sam: No way! Anyway, they fly tonight.
Daniel: Even better! Sam, you’ve got nothin’ to lose, and you’ll always regret it if you don’t! I never told your mom enough. I should have told her everyday because she was perfect everyday. You’ve seen the films, kiddo. It ain’t over ’til its over.
Sam: Okay, Dad. Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
being in agony isn’t something I’d choose willingly. so I’ve been set on avoiding it. ((after, of course, i got over being set on finding it, whether it existed or not, looking in all the wrong places for prince charming to rescue me, my knight in shining armor whisking me away, and all the other love-cliches you can think of)). but then I remember it’s worth it. i remember it being worth it in the past, regardless of outcome. that it’s easier to avoid than to encounter. that it takes a lot of balls (/courage) to put yourself out there. and that getting the shit kicked out of you by love is
sometimes mosttimes better than not giving it a chance at all.
Thanks to Sam, I think I’m ready to stop avoiding it but also to stop looking, letting it blossom around me, regardless of what Panda says.