“Nobody wants to know the truth” — or the truth about lies

[on truth & happy]

Nobody wants to know the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don’t you dare tell them
What you think to do

— Til it happens to you

Alright folks, I’m going to say it: Somedays, a lie is all you really want to hear. am.i.right?

Ok, let me clarify. I love honesty. I do. honestly. It’s amazing because it’s so rare. I appreciate it. and I appreciate those that can do it well. Nowadays, it’s kind of a skill. [Pause — let’s make a much-needed before-you-go-telling-everyone-I-said-lying-is-amazing distinction here. I’m not talking about the “does this dress make me look fat? -of course not, honey” lie…which some can argue is better. I’m referring to the more “I’m going to say something personal/reflective but not actually say my true thoughts because I know they may possibly hurt you a little without my realizing” lie. hmm…maybe we should break that down a little; I got a little lost toward the end there.

Maybe a little context will help. I have not-recently realized that I enjoy listening. whole-heartedly. And ((I think)) I’m kind of sort of good at it…hence, my career choice. Andtooplusalso, I think others feel the same way regarding my ability. or at least they haven’t eluded otherwise. Usually, most of the time, during 99.9% of my interactions, I love being able to emote my love of listening and a sense of security and comfort that allows others to speak freely, openly, honestly, without regard to fear of judgment.

But then there’s that .1%** What happens then, you ask? Well, since you asked, let me tell you.

With that ease of honesty often comes more personal self-expression and less preoccupation with (the other’s) reaction…the other, in this case, is me. What I’ve encountered during that .1% is honesty. actual honesty. accompanied with unintentional residue in the form of hurt feelings, mine specifically. [“Hurt” doesn’t seem entirely fitting. Maybe I’ll come up with a more appropriate expression along the way]. This still feels a little vague. Examples may help.

As mentioned, people tend to be very comfortable sharing their thoughts. honestly. unfiltered. This occurs typically with male counterparts, though has not always been limited to such interactions. They share. again, unfiltered. And then it comes, a statement involving me, unrecognized at first as causing a bit of hurt. I push replay in my mind (as I tend to do oh-so-often; regathering, reorganizing, reanalzying), and it’s confirmed. Yup, that just happened. Statements like, “Alright, I admit it. I tend to have a flavor-of-the-month if you will. And they’re attractive girls. kind of like what I have with you.” -or- conversations about rebounds and fear of said potential ending with “well if you are one, you’re a really good one” (…rebound, that is). -or- having an (x)boyfriend explain to you, in detail, what he sees in “the other woman” who drew him away from you and toward her. again, openly and genuinely sharing with no (overtly apparent) ill-intent.

To borrow from Mr. Mathers: “He didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?

I don’t have this reaction often. Just sometimes. PerhapsApparentlyObviouslyMaybe more to do with my own insecurities than their lack of filtration/tact unnaturally-found presence of openness …good reframe, Clouds, good reframe:)

But the point is it happens. Not quick enough for me to react in the exact moment. [Reflection is my strong suit, not directiveness…obviously]. Upon the replay, however, my heart feels a little tug. [side note: i found my more-appropriate; a little tug is more fitting]. I know/prefer to believe that there’s no intentionality behind their words, too caught up in their own struggles to notice the subtleties that give away my hurt, like the furrowing of eyebrows or avoiding of eye contact, or a silent, slowly detaching smile.

So what do I do with this? Probably nothing given how appreciation for honestly overpowers any of the aforementioned heart-tugging. What would you do?

**While my focus is on a very tiny percentage of my interactions, I do recognize how fortunate I am, regardless, to have the opportunities to listen, and learn, and hear the stories of others. I’m not complaining. far from it. More simply, during my exploration of happy, I’ve begun to recognize moments when the opposite may be present. So I explore. and I write. and I share. always recognizing how blessed I am in my experiences.

Nobody wants to know the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don’t you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me

— Til it happens to you, Corinne Bailey Rae

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