[on love & happy]
“Everyone is a little crazy. It is just a matter of figuring out which crazy you are willing to deal with.”
Okay, let’s cut to the chase. We all kind of have a “type.” As much as I refused to believe it, it’s kind of true. Well, let’s look at that for a sec. I am going to switch to first person now since I can better explain my experiences than assume yours. But, as always, perhaps some of you can relate.
I don’t think I go on the look out for a certain “type” per se. Rather, through time, and reflections, and very honest friends, I see the pattern. I think I have ended up attracted to/attracting this testosterone-driven male who holds on to a ‘best friend’ who happens to be a girl (which may or may not be relevant for other but typically has been for myself and validates my frightfully amazing instincts), believing his own façade of being a gentleman with selfless intentions when really his actions towards others are actually self-entitled actions for himself without actual honest regard for the feelings of others.
…wow, sorry. a little pent up bias seemed to leak through a tad-bit-perhaps-possibly-maybe. pretend it didn’t happen. or don’t. it’s actually a good lesson & relevant to the topic so just go with it.
back to my point: types. this seem(ed**) to be mine. & others have theirs. I’m probably someone’s type who has his own thoughts on my faults. And that’s fine. It’s honest. It’s real. I have had many a conversation with my male friends regarding their inability to find the “one”. What typically ensues is conversation of their search through what can only be considered preferences, or a checklist of sorts. I’ve had a friend literally describe one ex after another as “crazy,” describing a pretty consistent pattern of behavior that, coming from someone in the mental health field, can be described only as batshit crazy…very technical, yes, I know. [I think the following examples can easily pertain to the opposite sex, given that, as women, “checklists” can be pretty typical tools (mis)used when dating].
So, summarizing from my experiences listening to tales from dating hell ((similar to Tales from the Crypt but not as creepy or outdated…perhaps)) — Male A looks for Female B in bar/dance club/strip club/similar establishment of sorts on the lookout for a 5 foot 2, 100-pound, hard to get, dressed in a way-too-short bandage dress with 6-inch heels, makeup covering actual beauty with falsity and sex-appeal. Female B responds. Male A begins courting (this is probably not the term that should be applied given the lack of respect that is often shown buuut I digress), only to be shocked (yes, shocked!) when they find Female B has less interest in future ambitions or equal partnership and more in shopping malls, manicures, & inducing fights based on notions of jealousy & superficial complaints. Well folks, I, for one, am not shocked. You get what you look for. or what you check off your list first.
*side note-pause: this is a generalization and summation of various conversations I have had. things that have happened to people. I lay no judgment on bandage-dress-high-heel-wearing women at clubs of the stripping variety or otherwise. i know there are intelligent women out there with this physical presentation. no judgment. simply, reflection.
I guess what I’m getting at is if you look at superficial, you get superficial. A lot of people talk about types. and patterns. and the difficulty of getting away from those. My thoughts? It’s possible when you actually stop looking. A list isn’t going to matter in the moment; you know, that moment when you meet someone and don’t think about “well, he has this and this but isn’t this and kinda sucks at this.” It all goes out the window. I’m not saying anything here about standards, or expectations of values and core beliefs, or knowing even at a general level what you want.
What I’m saying is basically, you won’t get your “short & crazy” if you don’t go looking for it. & hopefully, you’ll be happier for it.
**I place the past tense suffix with a pinch of hesitancy because, in all honesty, it’s hard to tell. I want to say I’m done with aforementioned-douchey-type but I think I’ve said that before. but really, I swear this one’s different ::read with a hint of sarcasm but mostly truth::
“damn, yeah, I wonder why I never learned my lesson
it’s feeling like the second chance and it’s the first impression
and I heard it’s nothing new except for someone new
but how you supposed to find the one when anyone will come with you
talking to myself but I never listen,
cuz man it’s been a while, and I swear that this one’s different…”