[on love & happy]
So sometimes-maybe-perhaps I contradict myself a tad. This usually happens because I tend to overthink, underthink, and, simply, think. Writing is usually present during each of these times. Meaning? Meaning, sometimes there’s proof of my contradictory nature. Wait; let’s add “well-meaning” before that phrase. Try again. Sometimes there’s proof of my well-meaning contradictory nature. …yeah, that’s better. Okay, back to it. Earlier this week, I quoted P!nk’s “just give me a reason” in my FB update as I often choose to use creative melodic deep-meaning lyrics to describe a feeling or current state rather than my own words. They sound more purty than mine. *timeout: how many of you ended up reading that last sentence with a thick southern accent? If even one person answered yes, my mission’s accomplished 🙂
“ Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
and we can learn to love again
it’s in the stars
it’s been written in the scars on our hearts…”
Later/after/a-ways-away, I got to thinking (overthinking?). I thought of another amazing artist whose thought-provoking lyrics and soulful voice often inspires thought: Joss Stone. She sings, “I’m bruised but not broken.” This, as typical, spurred more thought…and thought….and thought…and the following idea ensued:
Actually, really, what’s so bad about broken?
I think I try or have tried to convince others <myself> that, after my experiences/inexperiences/infatuations/whynots/neverwouldvethoughts, I’m not broken. Truth is I am. Broken that is. But I don’t necessarily think that this is a bad thing. How can I think that after everything, I’m not different somehow? How can I pretend that aaaaall of what I went through (emotionally, physically, psychologically, existentially, and every other –ally you can think of) did not affect me in some way? I guess it was more about protecting others. Or,
more probable, more truthful, it was about protecting myself from the judgment of others, as I’ve always been susceptible to criticism.
Terminology 101 – or the power of language: “Under repair” seems fitting. “Damaged” does not. I don’t think broken should imply irreparable. As the lyrics state, “it’s been written in the scars on our hearts.” Truth: it happened (whatever it was). You were hurt. You were scarred. You were broken. What now? You move forward. Not on, but forward. With those broken pieces. With those scars. With those memories. Not to hold you back or have you living in the past. But, rather, to learn. To grow. To learn to love again.
Church…preach. …sorry, it just felt right.