“What if what we had was all we were meant to be?”
Words can say a lot without taking up much space. Take the above for example. I have reflected before on intentionality of others. on purpose. and meaning. All influential factors (I think) on this happiness thing. Given my most recent focus on relationships (and by recent I mean at-least-a-year-since-i-was-forced-into-reevaluation-which-isnt-recent-at-all recent), of all kinds, and prompted by the above, I started thinking of how I suck at the letting go part of relationships. and I’m thinking others do as well. Per usual, I am not referring solely to romantic relationships. in fact, this may be more helpful in all the others, at least for me it seems to be so.
The above really allowed me to reflect on this. to think about how some people come into our lives to serve a purpose. For some, that purpose is accomplished in a very short time, whether we see it as fitting or not. others, come into our lives and stay, seemingly carrying out their purpose rather than serving it. How do we know the difference? Is there even a way to tell?
“Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were.” Marcel Proust
Clouded memories influence this perception. If someone has been a part of our life in the past and we are in the process of deciding whether to let go or hold on, reflecting on those memories may not be entirely helpful. memories skew perception, urging us to hold on. to hope for their continued presence, whoever ‘they’ might be. The opposite might occur as well, with clouded memories pushing us toward letting go, or rather shutting out. Anger, resentment, hurt, all influencing us toward this step. I guess what I’m getting at is that it is difficult to do either. What if we are holding on to something that is over, the individual having served their purpose? if we hold on, we may be holding on to harmful, to hurtful, to unproductive. but when we let go, are we doing so too soon, before that person can truly affect our life as they should?
I think I’ve always been vulnerable, finding a way to hide behind an idea of strength defined by independence and accepting little help from others. Part of that perhaps has also been letting go when I shouldn’t and holding on when hopeless, counterproductive to self-preservation. I think it’s easier for some to do the above, not having to step foot in a place where susceptibility toward being let down is possible, even probable. It’s easier to let go instead of allowing the potential of defenselessness. The best defense is a good offense, right? Perhaps. But I think strength in self comes out of those times of vulnerability. I think I’m ready to be vulnerable. to let go when it hurts, or when the others’ intentions begin to show. to hold on when that pain seems worth fighting through. We should try something different.
“When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability, to be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle