In a previous post, I wrote about the idea about lonely versus alone, something that I struggled with.
…then this hit me recently and I didn’t feel so bad: I realized sooo many others struggle with this as well. what’s that saying? misery loves company? except I’d rather have happy company, but the idea is essentially the same. Knowing that my struggles are those of others helps in exploring this some more. Maybe “struggle” isn’t the right word. Struggle has a negative connotation and, for some, this isn’t a bad thing or anything that needs fixing.
Discovery of this came along with another moment of realization: I think I’m that girl…no, not that girl…or loosey-goosey as my dad likes to say [yup, clear-straight-forward communication is obviously a strength in my family].
So I’m talking about that girl; you know, that girl you call at midnight because you don’t want to be alone and want (nonsexual) company. or that girl that you hang out with to have a beer and conversation. or that girl that you never see before 9pm because you’re day is filled with various tasks that keep you occupied, both physically and mentally. I’m guessing it’s because I’m that girl, the one that is laid-back to the fullest and enjoys company doing anything (seriously. anything.) without complaints, honestly enjoying the moment. I love just being!
With this, I’ve been told, on multiple occasions mind you, that I am too laid-back for my own good, too uncomplicated that it’s complicated, too smart, too blah blah blah. Sorry if this is slightly annoying. While I always appreciate constructive criticism, I see no point in being complicated for the sake of being complicated, or less laid-back because others want a little bit of difficult. Seems like it would be moving in the opposite direction of what I’m aiming for with this whole happiness thing, no?
But, I digress. While I may be alone in this or over-assuming, I’m sure you have all had some experience of this. some hint of thinking about the others intentions if patterns arise. over-thinking. under-thinking. I guess that’s the point of it all. We might all be “that” person to someone and someone else might be “that” person for us. The idea of being alone frightens so many people to the core, perhaps without realization or acknowledgement.
“…do we stay together ’cause we’re scared to be alone?” (Pink – Mean) — I think this is exactly what it is. it extends beyond the “lonely” experienced between romantic partners. friendships, acquaintanceship, relationships. not many people like being lonely, despite being completely fine being physically alone. Don’t know if I’m making complete sense but I feel like many of you might relate to this. I think many of us enjoy having time to ourselves, “me” time or whatever you want to call it, preferring to be alone in certain activities such as working out or reading or whatever your choice activity. In these things, we are fine, perfectly content with being alone. Yet, something happens at times when the lonely takes over and we don’t want that, not being able to stand being with ourselves. Why?
I guess my final thought is this: should we really think about this? I feel like one would go crazy trying to think of the intentions behind the phone calls or meetings or hangouts. Or even our own hangup with spending a Friday night alone, truly alone. But then again, maybe we should question this, perhaps allowing for some weeding out of those who are there for us versus those who are there for themselves…
How do you make the distinction? Should you? any thoughts?