Maybe that’s it. Something so simple and human as to feel like you belong. that there is ground beneath you. solid. unmoved. real. Maybe that’s part of this whole happiness thing. People grow and search and plan, knowing that this tomorrow, this “future”, it will not only be for themselves. A marriage, a family, a partner …someone, anyone, not to be alone. This is typically what comes to mind for most anyone, naturally through human instinct. We are social beings.
I think this is what I forget, maybe even fight against at times. We are social beings. Even if I can take care of myself, spend a day alone, solve my own problems, fight my own battles, does that mean I want to all the time? Nope. Does allowing the opposite to take place mean that I cannot make it on my own? don’t think so. My idea of happiness includes seeing new places, experiencing new cultures, learning new things about others and myself. I figured that meant moving, throwing myself into that, not having roots, not settling down (not to be confused with simply settling which is not nor ever should be an option for anyone, including myself).
I think I just realized that that’s perhaps what I want most, what I need most at this moment. A sense of groundedness. At this point, I am not entirely sure I know what exactly that means. But I do know I want it. That “solid, unmoved, real” ground beneath my feet. I want that. Literal or metaphoric. Maybe I’d like to go a couple of years without packing. Maybe I’d like to hold the same address long enough to not worry about forwarding mail. Perhaps I’d also like to not be living back at the house I grew up in and missed for the past 6 years of my life…but I think now maybe I’m just asking for too much 🙂
I’d also like to ask for too much…